Diary Of A Tsundere
by XxNiji-The-Pedo-BearxX
Summary: England has been forced to start writing a diary by France, can't be all that bad right? Rated T for safety,
1. Chapter 1

**I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE THIS! **

**The first chapter isn't that funny in my view . . . next chapters will be funnier!**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Diary,<em>

_I have no Idea why I'm doing this . . . but I may as well start with a proper introduction like a normal British Gent. My name is Arthur Kirkland more commonly known as the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland._

_ So for starters I've been feeling pretty annoyed lately and America says that I should "chill out" and France decided to give me this diary to "get my sexual frustrations out on." Okay first of all: I have no sexual frustrations and secondly: Why am I actually doing what France told me to . . .?_

_Seriously I'm surrounded by idiots. _

_Okay, so we were having this world meeting and I was casually drinking my Earl Gray and America was wittering on about him being the "hero" and whatnot, I decided to chip in and ask him if he had an actual plan to which he replied, "Dude, weren't you listening for the past five minutes?"_

_Then I said "Why would I want to listen to your delusional twittering?"_

_Then he made that stupid face. He tilted his head to the side looked me in the eyes sadly and said:_

_"Do you really think that Iggy?"_

_Iggy? _

_"My name is England, not Iggy." I replied angrily whilst shaking my fist at him._

_Then he gave me a mischievous look and started to prance around the room singing; "Iggy Iggy Iggy Iggy."_

_It was atrocious! I mean his singing was terrible! I felt my face flush a bright red and he turned to me and said with all the innocence of a small child._

_"Is there a problem Iggy?"_

_And that's when I threw my Teacup at him._

_Oh that's not all; I managed to strangle him before being physically restrained by France. The pervert only did it to get his arms on me. I suddenly feel so violated . . . anyway then he gave me this diary to get rid of my "sexual tensions" as I have said before._

_Wow, now reading over my rant I feel like . . . Like such a girl, sudden thought: If America or France found this . . . good bye England._

_Oh wait I have to go, Flying mint bunny is calling me._

_By the way, I probably won't be writing in here anymore, after all this was France's stupid dare._

_Signed_

_England – the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland._

* * *

><p>England snapped his book shut quickly and stored it in his underwear drawer where he hoped that France would never look, but then who knows, he is France after all.<p>

He went to his living room to make himself a cup of tea, along the way he chatted to flying mint bunny and his other magical friends. As he sat on his armchair and got comfy, he took a sip of the warm liquid before the door suddenly swung open and America charged in.

"Yo dude! France told me you had a diary, can I read it Iggy?" America asked in an absurdly loud tone.

"When you learn to speak proper English!" England snapped.

"But Iggy! I only know how to speak American!" America whined.

"okay a) My name is _England, _ b) American is not a language and c) get out of my house."

America then started to pout, "Fine!" He said and stormed out.

England then rose from his chair and locked the door wearily and made his way to his room, he yanked open his underwear drawer and pulled out his Diary.

* * *

><p><em>P.S. forget what I said earlier, I have a LOT of pent up Sexual tensions.<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Fail story is a fail XD I promise I'll be funnier in later chapters~!<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Oh hell this story turned out to be more popular than expected OWO I'm glad you people like my epic fail of a first chapter XP so anyway I had time to do a next day update~**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Diary,<em>

_France decided to show me this website today, Fan fiction. Net I think. Worst. Website. Ever. I haven't seen that much yaoi since America showed me the contents of Japan's wardrobe, and that was bloody scary. Never looked at him the same way again. . ._

_What's worse is he showed me the rated M section. Fucking paedophile, now I can't stop reading the USUK. GOD! WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? And horrifically America is always on top, what is it about me that is so uke? And I have also come across, me x Japan, Me x Norway, Me x France, MexSeychelles, Me x Sealand and Me x Canada. Do these people have anything else to do? And I always seem to be on bottom which doesn't amuse me at all. But I am glad that I seem to be so irresistible to many of my fellow countries, even though me x Sealand and Me x France scare me a lot._

_Oh crap here comes my nosebleed; I've been getting a lot of those lately, especially reading fan fictions where I'm on top. Okay wait. I'm turning into France, I need to get some hot tea and calm myself down. I feel so dirty, Eugh._

_Okay I'm back and I feel more decent now, thinking about it, all those Yaoi fan fictions are like Gay porn . . . which means I may be Gay? NONESENSE! If I was Gay then who would I be gay for-_

* * *

><p><strong><em>"<em>**YO IGGY!**"**

* * *

><p><em>Oh crap America's here, I've got to go.<em>

* * *

><p>England quickly snapped his Diary shut and stored it away safely before America burst into his room.<p>

"Yo England! I'm outta money and China's after me! Please help me!"

"Note to self" England thought "Lock the door twice next time."

"And Obama's being really mean to me too!"

England sighed. "You know I'm in debt too and I can't really lend you any money without getting you into debt even more."

"Slowly please Iggy I can only understand American." He huffed.

"American is not a bloody language!" England yelled "You just say that to make yourself feel better."

"About what?" America challenged

"About not being part of Britain anymore." England finished sulkily.

"You're an old man." America huffed "you can't let go of anything, hey is that a computer?"

"I'M NOT OLD I'M ACTUALLY QUITE YOUNG!" England retorted sharply.

"Whoa Iggy, I didn't know you were interested in this stuff." America smirked peering at the computer screen.

"W-What?" England blushed angrily.

"Seriously? Florida's not that-" America stopped "Never mind"

"What about Florida?" England snapped.

"It says here, rides on Florida are free, for you."

"GET OUT NOW!"

"What? Why?"

"I'M NOT GOING TO HELP YOU THIS TIME!"

"But Iggy-"

"OUT!"

England quickly double locked the door after literally kicking America out of his house.

"Dear lord, that was close." England sighed putting his palm on his forehead. He walked over to his computer and closed the page down and got his diary out again.

* * *

><p><em>I really need to get laid.<em>

_Signed _

_England – The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland_

* * *

><p><strong><em>hope this one was better ^^'<em>**


	3. Chapter 3

**Brace yourselves people! Niji is actually proud of this chapter! Yeah Unbelievable right? thank you lovely poeple for all your support! Even though I can't reply indvidually to your reviews I always read them :)**

**without any further ado~ Enjoy~!**

* * *

><p><em>Dear diary<em>

_I am so lonely when America isn't around! I mean it's so depressing not having a hero around to rescue me all the time!_

_Me and him are like peanut butter and jelly!_

_Too bad I'm busy reading gay porn to go visit him, and sometimes when I feel really sad I dress up In a really cool American flagged t shirt just to feel him on me._

_Oh I miss him so much that I may go visit him right now and give him a big kiss like the gay English bastard I am._

_Signed Iggy_

_P.S. America is the cutest guy ever_

* * *

><p>America chuckled evilly and slipped the diary back Into England's underwear drawer trying not to touch any of his undergarments if possible. He then shut the drawer quickly as he heard England's footsteps rapidly getting closer to his room.<p>

"America? Where are you?"

"Nowhere! I'm not doing anything!"

"What?"

"I'm not guilty!"

"Ok seriously."

"Nothing is out of place!"

"You arse! Have you been going through my stuff?"

"NO!"

"I'm coming in!"

America braced himself as the door creaked open, once it was open wide enough he dashed straight through knocking England over.

"so long old man!" he cried laughing his trademark hero laugh before bursting through the front door and legging it to his own home before England discovered what he had done.

England had a confused look painted across his face as he suddenly realised that America had definitely tampered with something in his suddenly thought of his diary, was it safe? What if America had read the previous entries? He quickly picked himself up and stumbled to his underwear drawer.

As he opened it he realised his underwear was mixed up as if it was to symbolise a bad omen, bear in mind that England's view of messy is a pair of Monday underwear slightly touching Sunday boxers.

He reached into the darkest depth of the drawer and pulled out the dark emerald coloured flicked to through pages and immediately recoiled in shock as he found a badly structured lump of text written in familiar messy writing.

"Damn you America and your bad grammar!" he muttered, now that that was over he could actually read the cursed journal entry.

England skimmed the untidy lump of text and then got a red pen and started correcting the errors.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile America was sitting at home, tense as to what was to happen tomorrow when the world meeting was. England would be angry, it was no doubt. All he could do was wait and see how it would turn out.<p>

* * *

><p>later that night England was hunched over his desk doing what any normal British man does when they are confronted by a challenge from another. Writing a letter.<p>

* * *

><p>On the day of the world meeting America was fidgety during the meeting, he avoided eye contact with England when possible and still managed to bugger up the rest of the countries with his obscene ideas, just as he had planned.<p>

At the end of the meeting England approached him with an unreadable look on his face and handed him an envelope.

All this time all America had going through his mind was "oh crap" and "don't sue me! I'm already short on money!"

"Read that at home." England demanded stiffly

When he got home America looked at the cursed envelope in his hand while his mind battled on whether to open it or not. The pressure finally caused him to give in and finally open the letter.

As he read it over he face palmed in total over 50 times.

* * *

><p><em>Dear America<em>

_Before you even try to tamper with my belongings and even think of sabotaging my private journal please consider working on your grammar._

_Firstly the use of more than one exclamation mark at the end of a sentence is unacceptable in any proper manner of English literature and please do not think of American being your mother Tongue because as I have told you many a time it is not a proper language._

_Secondly, to make your entry more convincing, do not use American grammar in it. The proper word is Jam not jelly, for a Briton even considering having jelly in a sandwich is preposterous._

_Thirdly, it is America and I not me and America as you say. And even if you're not going to put much effort in it just get my name right for once._

_Please reply honourably in a proper gentlemanly manner._

_Yours_

_England - the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland._

_P.S. I do not read Gay porn and/or think of you as anything closer than a friend._

* * *

><p>America looked at it and immediately got out a piece of paper.<p>

* * *

><p><em>Yo Iggy,<em>

_Me and you haven't been on the best of terms but you look so funny when you're mad! It's so fun to screw you up really! Anyway the next time I come over I'll get us some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and maybe some gay porn too, then I can teach you how to speak proper American._

_Love_

_America_

_P.S. I know you like me~ no-one can resist this sexy American._

* * *

><p>England took one look at the letter then ate it.<p>

"I hate you so much you damn git" he mumbled through a mouthful of paper

* * *

><p><strong>I salute you readers if you can notice all of the mistakes in America's letter XD<strong>

**I'll update soon~ Bear in mind that I'm making this up as I go along~**

**Love Niji~**


	4. Chapter 4

**Wow you guys, I love you lots! I mean I didn't expect this to get like 5 reviews per chapter! Thank you all! **

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while! The Riots are pissing me off because they're a few miles away from where I live and I only moved to my current home like 3 days ago ;A;**

**And to **_artfan_** (underlined and italicised so you would notice XD)Yeah I agree America should be its own language XD I mean I can't even understand my American cousin because of all the American slang.**

**LONGEST CHAPTER EVER AHEAD~!**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Diary<em>

_I am sorry on America's behalf of the atrocious things he had written on the previous page. _

_Now with that cleared up I have to admit I have a new obsession with Wal-mart. The last time I visited America which was a few days ago in fact, we had to discuss what to do about his debt. I can't get out of this stupid friend relationship (not that I want anything more than a friend relationship) with him thanks to David Cameron, why does he have to be friends with Obama for Christ's sake? _

_And recently he has been talking about developing a New Britain to which the goal for achieving a new better Britain is just over the horizon. So basically this new better Britain is France. _

_ I hate you David._

_Anyway where was I? Oh yes! Wal-Mart, it is the biggest and most refreshing American shopping store I have ever been to, but the tea. The tea is kept in what looks like a petrol can. When I questioned the shop assistance about this we ended up having a pretty odd conversation._

_Me: excuse me sir why is the tea kept in a petrol can?_

_SA: no, that's a tea container. Where else would you put tea?_

_Me: you keep your tea in petrol cans?_

_SA: you keep your petrol in tea containers?_

_Me: wait. I asked you first!_

_America: you're embarrassing me!_

_Damn Americans._

_I haven't had enough time to visit that store again because of the damn riots, they've blocked off Heathrow and I can't get anywhere. David's way of dealing with the problem is by not allowing the police to use proper riot equipment, good job man, make us Britons look like wimps why don't you? _

_And e hasn't even been helping much at all! He was off on his sissy holiday, fufufufu._

_So I'm pretty much cowering in my own home, as I live in London I can't go outside in fear of being, I don't know, exploded by a bunch of Yobs._

_Fufufufu I'm going to get a nice cuppa before my house gets burnt down._

_Sincerely _

_England – The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland._

* * *

><p>England snapped his diary shut and looked out of his bedroom window and caught sight of the rioters looting stores. He quickly rushed to the kitchen and made some tea which he carried carefully down to the basement which was now his 'Panic room.'<p>

He huddled in the small room and sipped his tea tentatively, he had a large supply of candles in said panic room and he had already stored most of his belongings (including his diary) in the room. He sipped the liquid and let it warm him up.

"oh you're finally here Iggy~"

England Froze.

"America . . . how long have you been here?"

"Since the riots began . . ."

"Why are you still in my house?"

"Because they wouldn't let me go home!"

"So you decided to hide here and eat my emergency rations and not help with your country's financial problems."

"Pretty much~ by the way I only ate your disgusting Scones because I couldn't eat your fancy teacups~"

"THOSE ARE ANTIQUES YOU STUPID MORON!"  
>"Well they looked more edible than your cooking~"<p>

England narrowed his eyes.

"If the rioters decide to break into my house I'm going to sacrifice you."

"I love you too Iggy~"

England pouted angrily as America shuffled around uncomfortably.

"By the way" He said "I kinda messed around with your spell books and . . ."

England face contorted from rage to horror.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?"

America looked sheepish as he pulled out a mochi "I made this."

England facepalmed "how bored were you?"

"Bored enough to make a mochi for everyone we know~"

England examined the Mochi that America held out, as England glared at it the mocha beamed back. It looked just like America. Then without warning the Mochi launched itself at England's face and before he knew it England had an Amerimochi attached to his lips.

"Aw, he likes you~!" America cooed.

"S-Shut up git!" England snapped peeling the mocha off his face.

"ooh Iggy~ look at this one~!" America squealed holding up a Mochi that looked like England. "this is the ugliest one I've made!"

England froze. "you serious?"

"Yeah!" America smirked, oblivious. He turned the England mochi to face him. "look at these big hairy eyebrows! They're so big that they take up half his face!"

England touched his own eyebrows tentatively, "Half his face . . .?"

"and look at these big green eyes!" America snorted "they look like big lumps of broccoli!"

England frowned. "Big lumps of broccoli . . .?"

"And he's the chubbiest one of them all! Look at all that blubber!"

England had lost it.

"YOU LITTLE ARSE! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

"what? Why?" America whined. "I can't go out there! I'll die dude!"

England took America by the collar and dragged him to the front door before kicking him out of his house hard. "AND STAY OUT YOU FILTHY LEECH!"

England crawled back into his panic room hoping that there would be no more distractions for him.

"Ohonhonhon~ look Angleterre~ this mochi is so stupendously handsome~" France cried holding a mochi France.

England just looked at him before going back to the front door and opening it wide.

"WHY DON'T ALL YOU BLOODY BASTARDS COME IN MY HOUSE? IT'S NOT LIKE I FUCKING CARE!" he snapped before storming out into the street. The rioters stopped and stared at him before rushing into his house and looting it completely.

England took out his diary that he stored in his inside coat pocket and wrote:

* * *

><p><em>P.S. This is what happens to the country when you leave Nick Clegg in charge.<em>

* * *

><p><strong>I love you all~! Thanks for reading and I'll make sure I make the next chappie soon~ <strong>

**Thanks for all the reviews~ If you have any ideas for the next chapter please leave it in your review and I'll see what I can do~!**

**Love**

**Niji~**

**P.S. for all of you who don't know Nick Clegg, he is a fail of a deputy prime minister so he is just like David Cameron's little secretary~ **


End file.
